When Do Family Stories become Fact?

Does the constant retelling of  family stories make them more believable?

There is an old fable about some blind men coming upon an elephant and trying to learn what the elephant was like by touching different parts of his body. Each blind man felt a different part of the elephant's body, and then described the elephant based on their experiences. Each description differed from the others. 

This fable illustrates we claim truth based on our limited and subjective experiences. 

We all have bits and pieces of our family history stored in our brains.  Some are experiences we had as children within our families; some are family stories told by parents and relatives or information printed as family history.

Before the Internet made documents available online, it was difficult to find documentation of events or people without making trips to court houses or visiting cemeteries. People relied on the memories of relatives to piece together their family history.

One common problem is the names we call our relatives.  When my mother, my daughter and I were all alive, we were all grandmothers.  I called my mother Mom, but my children called her Grandma.  When I became a grandmother my grandchildren called me Grandma but they also called my Mom Grandma.  When I was young, I only had 2 living grandmothers, but although I had living great aunts, I only called them Aunts as my parents did.

In one family story, a grandson had reported many years ago that his grandfather served in the Revolutionary War.  It was assumed that this was his grandfather, when in fact, it was his great grandfather. 

Confusion exists in family stories when two people, such as a father and son, share a given name.   Other family stories get confused when reporting the family's heritage or ethnicity.  There seems to have been a fad in the early 20th century with people claiming Native American ancestry.  My father said his grandfather told him that they were one quarter Indian.  Research and now DNA has shown that that is not true.  We know the recent flap about Elizabeth Warren and her family's story that she had Native American heritage, and it ended up being incorrect.

There is also confusion when remembering that someone talked about the "old country" where the ancestors lived.  Later we may wonder whether that Irish or Italian ancestor was on the mother or father's side.

There are also the family cover-ups when someone brought shame on the family.  I've often heard "We just don't talk about that."  This was particularly true when woman had a child without being married to the father.  In many cases, the grandparents of the child claimed the child as their own.  Quite often the family perpetuated the story.  I have seen obituaries naming grandchildren as children, rather than grandchildren, of the deceased.   Some children were taken into families and assumed that name without being legally adopted.

I was just researching about a person who people have claimed to be a full-blooded Indian or half Indian.  The information has been "out there" for at least 25 years, but never documented. in 1995 a person said "I have obtained a copy of The Descendants of Nicholas Cain 1736-1986 by Wayne R Cain, now deceased and Shirley J Evans. On page 168 of the Cain book it states (the person in question) is an Algonquin Indian, either Half or full blood."

Twenty five years later, people now claim this book as "documentation".

I could go on and on about shattered myths and family stories, but they abound.  DNA has become the "lie detector" of genealogical research. DNA does a good job of deciding who was NOT your ancestor.

Some people want verification and documentation while others are happy with family stories.  People who want royalty or Native Americans in their ancestry may not be interested in accuracy.  Using a fake name is not illegal unless you are trying to defraud someone.  A volunteer at a research center told my husband, "As long as you are not trying to join the SAR (Sons of the American Revolution), you can claim to have a Revolutionary War ancestor."  We kind of chuckled at his remark, but it does speak to tolerance in allowing people to find some kind of pleasure in their family stories - true or false.